Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
