Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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