all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
