you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
