I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
