Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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