Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i think i just lost a toe
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
