A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
