Do you still have your period?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize