You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
