I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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