Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
