I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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