So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Randomize
