I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
