Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
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