I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
