i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
