Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
me + whiskey = a bad person
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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