she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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