I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
