And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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