dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
