there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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