just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
