I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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