Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(406): View more from Montana

we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.

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(406): we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting. http://tfl.nu/a3qg

Replies (16) Good night (2952) Bad night (2192)
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(303): View more from Colorado

I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.

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(303): I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number. http://tfl.nu/465z

Replies (31) Good night (15864) Bad night (1060)
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(516): View more from New York

The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.

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(516): The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home. http://tfl.nu/xzym

Replies (13) Good night (6478) Bad night (1273)
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(817): View more from Texas

90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus

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(817): 90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus http://tfl.nu/i6dy

Replies (15) Good night (8252) Bad night (1144)
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(317): View more from Indiana

Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.

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(317): Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good. http://tfl.nu/7ot5

Replies (2) Good night (3359) Bad night (916)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.

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(814): Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright. http://tfl.nu/kb3m

Replies (11) Good night (2485) Bad night (775)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it

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(+44): He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it http://tfl.nu/dp2q

Replies (3) Good night (1702) Bad night (686)
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(760): View more from California

You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.

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(760): You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral. http://tfl.nu/a5j3

Replies (4) Good night (1295) Bad night (492)
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(937): View more from Ohio

I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.

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(937): I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina. http://tfl.nu/hc91

Replies (27) Good night (2663) Bad night (698)
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(+32): View more from Belgium

You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...

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(+32): You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep... http://tfl.nu/47cg

Replies (2) Good night (1109) Bad night (419)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.

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(701): I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking. http://tfl.nu/71cy

Replies (0) Good night (561) Bad night (403)
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(678): View more from Georgia

I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me

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(678): I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me http://tfl.nu/qbi9

Replies (4) Good night (707) Bad night (417)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.

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(202): As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring. http://tfl.nu/gw6v

Replies (22) Good night (2141) Bad night (447)
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(483): View more from

How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?

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(483): How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers? http://tfl.nu/0ubo

Replies (2) Good night (333) Bad night (174)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock

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(919): I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock http://tfl.nu/ok2j

Replies (4) Good night (501) Bad night (195)

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