508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.