So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
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My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.