The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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