3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
