The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Houston, we have a squirter
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
