Screwed.edu
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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