butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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