glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
even my farts smell like vagina
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
