I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
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I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
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Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
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