I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize