my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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