you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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