It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
