My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
