i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
