...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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