i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
