I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Will you blow on my dice?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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