I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY