you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
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Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes