if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did