I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
