just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
