My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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