it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize