Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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