the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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