the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
