im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
