Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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