Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
