As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Randomize
