We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
