Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize