Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
